Doubting ourselves is part of our lives. It can be about something as big as our life-choices and something as small as whether or not to post a picture on instagram. “Is this really the right study field for me? Do I look cute enough on this picture?”
I personally think that doubt is harder on us women. Sure, I know that men doubt themselves too – they have an ego, just as we women do, and sometimes it might be very hard for them to preserve their integrity in the face of society. But women doubt much more – every little choice is likely to be criticized, on aesthetical terms it is asked much more of us and our bodies than of mans.
Having doubts sometimes isn’t the problem. It’s natural, it’s human. It helps us to improve ourselves and maybe to find out what we really want. Having doubts all the time, however, is counterproductive. On the long run you will feel less confident, less secure, in any of your choices, even the ones that you shouldn’t doubt.
Some choices we make are soley our thing – no one elses business. Yet, I know that you, as well as I, have forgotten that truth at least once for every of the upcoming issues. I know it’s difficult. And not easy to execute. But being aware of your harmful behaviour and consciously working against it, is the first step to more feminine power and confidence.
3 things you should never doubt
- Whether or not what you wear is provocative. What you wear, automatically has an effect on other people. I am not going to advocate to wear whatever the fuck you want – but not because I fear that you would be to provocative, but because I am a fan of good taste (and some outfits just aren’t good taste. Really.) That said, I do think that it is essential that you can wear what you would like to wear without fear and doubt that others would find it provocative. That they could comment on it in a sexual way. That they misunderstand it as an invitation. Yes, maybe I’m talking about a perfect world here, but living in Austria and in a relatively secure surrounding, I will advocate wearing what you want without spending so much as a thought on how others comment it or perceive it. If you feel comfortable, happy and confident in an outfit – wear it. As I have repeated already many times – you will be judged anyways, so why not be judged in something that you actually love?
- Whether or not your opinion is valid. Mansplaining is a part of the problem, but women aren’t guiltless. Too often we keep back with our opinion or knowledge, because we don’t want to speak against the majority, start an argument, be different. Your opinion is always valid though! Whether you have talked about the topic already a hundred times, or have just recently come to that conclusion. Whether you are informed only a little, but ready to hear other arguments or more information on it. Whether you are an all time defender, or situational – your opinion, your argument, your voice is always valid and important and you should never conceal yourself to please others.
- Whether or not your sexual behaviour is “appropriate”. This. One. Is. Huge. And probably, even though you wouldn’t think it possible, it is even huger in society as the clothes topic. Yes, our clothes and bodies are often critizied and I am not happy about that. But that’s something that people actually SEE. It is way more unbelievable for me, how society tells girls and women how they should behave in BED. Nobody knows about your preferences and they are still policed? Fuck that. It doesn’t MATTER whether you like sex often, rarely, never, always, dirty, quiet, loud, fast, on the couch, on the table what. ever. This is no ones business – only yours and your partners. I know you’ve heard that a million times, I just know it, because so many people SAY it and insist on it, but the reality looks quite different. Just look at your behaviour, your doubts, your worries, before going to bed with a new partner for the first time. What are your thoughts? Will he like how loud I am? Should I be initative or is that too slutty? Stop doubting that now. Seriously. Stop telling him to turn the lights down. Stop telling yourself that you NEED to have more sex with him to make HIM happy. Stop telling yourself that you NEED to have less sex, because otherwise you are not admirable anymore. Stop doubting what you want, when you want it, where you want it (I mean, you get the idea, not in front of a kindergarten or sth, but basically!). This will be the hardest of all – stopping the doubt where actually no one sees it, where you do it just for yourself, where you stop doubting just for the sake of your own happiness. You won’t get compliments of other people for your courage, oder pats on the shoulder for your insight – but you will get a fucking-great-doubtfree-sexlife. And that’s a lot of fun and reward too.
Notice your thoughts. Notice how often you doubt yourself or your decision. Notice who is responsible for the doubts – and whether it is a reasonable one or not. Work against the doubt. Live your life, according to your rules, your happiness, your needs.