Confidence

Don’t always listen to others, jeez!

If you are in a place like me (happy me!) you are surrounded by wonderful people. That circle can be very big, or very small, but if you have approximately 5 people in your life you can thoroughly trust, you are a lucky person.

Parents count. Siblings count. Best friends who became like siblings count. I do doubt that it is more than 5 – the relationship I’m talking about is maybe not flawless but honest, maybe sometimes difficult but you know they’ll have your back.

Those people should be the ones whose feedback will always be appreciated and it’s surely an important part to cultivate those relationships and to let them know that you will always care for their opinion. After all, more pairs of eyes on a pending question might just give you a nudge in the right direction.

However, there are some reasons why ultimately you should listen to yourself. With all the information you have and maybe got from your surrounding, it is you who has to decide. It will, in any case, be you who bears the consequences.

Why, you might ask, should I trust myself, and not people who know me well, Who have more experience and (even though you won’t say it out loud) Who I can then blame for the end result?

Let me convince you.

  1. People who care deeply for you will always choose the safe road. No one will ever advise you to advance on the risky way if they feel close to you. Not only because they truly want your best and can’t stand seeing you endangered, but, truth be told, also because they might fear that IF it goes wrong (which is always a possibility) it might fall back on them and your relationship to each other. Take parents, the probably most benevolent people in your life, as an example. While they surely want you to be happy, their vision for you will always be from a point of view of safety. Steady jobs are safe. Conformity is safe.  Dullness is safe. You don’t always want to be safe.
  2. Even close ones do not know all of your parts – no one but you ever does. Well, maybe you don’t even know all of your parts. But it’s a fact that with every person or group of people you meet, you will have a different role to play. You are different when you’re with your mum, and when you’re on a girls night out, and when you’re cuddling with your boyfriend. People near you can only advise you regarding that one face they know of you. You will have to make your own, carefully thought through, well-considered, decisions. Every decision shapes you. Who do you want to be?
  3. Their truth might be different from yours. Reality is a fact. But some facts, seen through different perspectives, might not be so clear-cut. We color our environment according to our values, our experiences and also our mistakes and faults. They didn’t do the same things as you, they haven’t lived in the same situations. The truth for them might not be the same as it is for you, even if all parties involved are doing their best to stick to reality. You will have to take your own values and the truths in them into account when making a decision.
  4. It is your life and therefore always your responsibility. Even if you decide to let others decide – That’s a decision! You can’t not decide, however hard you try, it is just not possible. You can try to blame it on them if it takes the wrong turn, but it was your decision to trust their judgment that led to this outcome. You can run from responsibility, but it will always be one step faster. And wouldn’t you rather decide what’s happening in your life then make the decision of being the passive bystander?

It’s just AWESOME! Hello, wake up call! Your every decision will influence your life and future – it’s in your hands! Inform yourself -make decisions -make mistakes – take responsibility for them – don’t redo them – shape your life the way you want it to be! I don’t recall the name of the band but someone once sang: Nobody said it was easy. And that is so true. It’s not and taking up the responsibility of consciously deciding, well, it takes courage. But it also feels oh-so-good! Because it will make you realize that the only one in charge of yourself and your happiness is you – and no one can take that privilege away from you!

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