Feminism

What we can learn from men!

Bashing men and making them alone responsible for the position of women in our daily lives isn’t a very helpful course to follow. I am always sorry to hear men say that they are all against sexism, but they just can’t identify with the term “feminism” as it is too anti-men, anti-equality. That’s not what we should achieve! Why are we making it even more difficult for us to achieve equality by excluding men in the process?

Sure, patriarchy was long the form that our society supported, and we still have to fight at many fronts on the search for equality between men and women. While there are for sure biological and mental differences in men and women, in feminism the focus is on social equality – not about having the same body, but about having the same rights.

We should not only be allies with other women, a point I have elaborated on already here, but we should make men our allies too. After all, who is better to have on our side then the ones who are the cause for (a lot) of the trouble? By all means, we women are as guilty as they are in many cases. In terms of belittling, judging and bashing others women are as bad, if not worse, than men – if you want prove just look at popular magazines for women that tell you on one page how to be independent, on the next how to please a man and on the last what you have to do to finally get a “perfect” (aka … I don’t know. Slim? Fit? Big-boobed?) body.

On the other hand we have of course catcalling, harassment, abuse and assaults, not only, but dominantly committed by men. Those men cannot be our allies, we shouldn’t de-dramatize them, but there are many out there who believe in the social equality of men and women just as we do – just as it should be.

Sometimes mens behavior is much more positive towards each other, than we women treat each other. And sometimes it’s good to take a step back, view behavior patterns objectively and learn – instead of cursing everything that isn’t inherently female. When you read the following list, keep in mind that I cannot talk about ALL men, just as I can never speak for ALL women. But from experience that’s a behavior pattern that the majority of men (I know) displays. And that’s a fucking good thing.

3 behaviors women should copy from men

  1. They support each other – Men have their backs. They might not agree on everything, they might fight over a girl, or be aggressive about something, but ultimately, when the time comes, when it is necessary, men have their backs. The jokes that go back to this phenomena do bear a kind of truth.

 >>When a man tells his wife to call his friends for an alibi, 3 of them will confirm it, 2 will say that he has just this minute left and 1 will state that he still is there!<<

You can think of that what you want – it is not about the lies here, but it is about something women very rarely do for each other – They have their back. They don’t let their friends alone in a dangerous situation. They don’t make fun of them behind their back. They don’t spread rumors. Girl friends don’t do this to other girl friends either, mostly, but for men it is not important how well they know each other, or even if they are friends – They. Have. Their. Backs. – as a rule of thumb. And it is high time that we women start doing the same. We can’t fight against inequality and oppression and at the same time be shot in the back by each other.

  1. They are relaxed about their body – Yep, that’s not always great. Especially when you experienced the one or the other unasked dick pic already, you will agree that too much confidence about the look of their penis isn’t an advantage for everyone. But generally speaking, how often do you hear men complain about their body? Of course, the general tendency of going to the gym more often and staying fit has risen, as it has for women too. But men just engage in the process. They work on it, the have a goal, they are satisfied with it. Goddammit, when was the last time all of us were really truly 100% satisfied with their body? I am normally very confident about it, I do love it, and I take good care of it. Yet, I too have my days of “my belly doesn’t look good” or “where do these butt cheeks think they go” .

I highly doubt that men so much as spend two thoughts on their butt cheeks. And that’s also transporting in bed! I’ve had sex with guys of different body types – none EVER seemed self-conscious about their body, about having just eaten two plates of Carbonara, or not having worked out the last 3 weeks! We should definitely take that as an example, kick societies standards and conformity in the butt and love our body, that we care for, keep healthy and fit.

  1. They understand their sexuality – I don’t know how they do it, but men just seem to masturbate like. Daily? I really cannot speak for all of the men I know (thankfully I am not THAT close with all of them), but lets say that the notion I get from some is that as soon as they don’t have conventional sex they masturbate. Well, how great is that! They are so much in contact with their sexuality that they actually do discover what they enjoy, where they are sensitive, which areas they don’t like. Most women can’t say that about themselves! I am not suggesting for you to masturbate if you don’t feel like it. But this easy-going feeling, the interest in ones’ own body, in sensual areas and also the time investment in oneself, well that’s just great and definitely something not only men should do.

 

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It might be true – but that doesn’t mean that both genders can’t learn from the other. Feminism isn’t about making men small – it is about making us more powerful. And if men have weapons for that quest, why not use them?

 

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