I don’t know when it happened, but at some point along the line, the notion that rape, sexual harassment, interest without men being able “to do something against it”, has become something that’s supposed to be flattering for women.
Excessive attention of men is, according to society, the goal of any woman. Well, sure, she can wear skirts, and heels and make-up, but it is always supposed to be for them, not for us, it’s to obtain attention and interest, self-image purposes are irrelevant. No wonder teenage girls are confused when men thrice their age are complimenting them. It’s a good thing, isn’t it?
Making men lose their head is supposed to be something good, yet, this notion is harmful for both genders. Men hear from an early age onward that it is okay for them to not be in control of themselves, that their love for a woman, or a real interest is expressed by a loss of control of their actions.
“Boys will be boys”. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Just because they’re boys their brain doesn’t function well as soon as they see a woman? What happens to it? Does it melt?
The same phenomena comes into effect when girls are blamed for the harassment, because she wore too tight skirts, or too short dresses. Oh, really? Did the sight of legs somehow turn the guys brain mushy? Did too much skin turn them into some kind of uncontrollable animal? – No, it didn’t, it’s just a stupid, ridiculous excuse. And responsible for it are the people who raise those boys and the society who accepts them. By making harassment a natural thing, it’s somehow meant to be less relevant. The spreading of that idea has to be stopped.
Nature is not at fault and it is a shame that naturalness and also sexuality is dragged down on a negative level, just because some men think they can use their nature (and sexuality) as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour. I am as much a sexual being as any man is, maybe I’m sometimes even hornier than some men might be, but does that mean that I will attack any man who goes shirtless? Does that mean that I regard any man with a nice butt, displayed in a tight jean, as my property? Or that I will touch his crotch, because he is supposed to enjoy it when he shows it off like this?
Obviously the answer is No. How weird is it to think that men can use this excuse in nearly all situation, intending to even “compliment” the woman by doing so, while women would be looked at very strangely, because somehow that’s not supposed to be in my “nature”. Cut the evolutionary arguments in this case. We are not Neanderthal people anymore.
If we would just stop educating men in a way that makes it okay to defend themselves with statements like “I couldn’t help myself”, we could make the world a bit less sexist.
- You are not responsible for the miseducation of some man who thinks he can own you, because of what you wear or say.
- Men have brains just like we do. They are not victims of some horrible spell that stops their brain from functioning as soon as they see skin.
- Men saying “They couldn’t resist it” after they slapped your butt is not flattering. It’s insulting. Act accordingly.
You inevitably will meet many men along your way who will think that nature gave them some right to you (or even women who defend that point of view). While on the one hand they act as the always stronger gender, in this particular case (as it suits them pretty well) they get “helpless”. Don’t be fooled. We humans, both genders, are totally able to control ourselves – nature and evolution has done well on us. The excuse of helplessness might come in handy in many situation, but the truth is, as long as you and yourself are concerned, you are not helpless, you have every possibility to control yourself. Men have that too. Boys will not be boys – not when it implies a free ticket to a girl’s body. It’s all about how we educate them and whether or not we show them their boundaries. Men have heard this lie a life long. All the more it is important to start the re-education now.